Hello internet friends, real life friends, creepers, ghosted viewers…
I’m supposed to be writing a ‘5 Things’ post for you today, just 5 things I’m liking, loving, hating, wondering about – but I don’t have it in me. My mind is so all over the place that focusing on 5 things, good or bad feels very difficult and fake.
I could share 5 online stores I think would be great for gift giving, 5 songs I’ve been listening too… 5 affirmations I’ve been using.
But, to be really honest that all feels like it’s coming from a place of desperation and not a place of truth. Truth be told, I can’t think of 5 online stores for holiday gifts, and I’ve not yet thought or purchased one gift for the holiday season. And music? I’ve reverted to my old favorites, which means I’ve only been listening to Mumford and Sons, Dawes, and Sleeping At Last over and over again. I don’t know what’s new, or good or relevant and frankly I don’t really care. Affirmations? Well, I’ve been struggling with just telling myself one every day, so thinking of 5 and passing them off as easy peasy – it’s not my reality at the moment.
I’m sad that 2017 is almost over, I feel like I’m not really sure where most of this year went and, I’m tired. I know we are all tired, and busy, and over committed. I know my feelings aren’t unique but they’ve been itching in my mind and sometimes the best thing for me to do is write them out. So this post is more for me than for you, and I apologize for that. Thanks for sticking with me though, I like sharing the hard things, the dark and twisty things because in the off chance someone else can relate, the world feels smaller again and not so boundless and big.
Growing up I was always told “time flies” when you’re old, or apparently when your having fun, but actually growing up and feeling how fast it all goes feels overwhelming. Like the name of this blog “From Good Intentions” I feel like I’ve walked through most of adulthood with the ‘best of intentions’ but that doesn’t always equate to accomplishments or consistent action. I haven’t figured that part out yet – it often makes me feel like the biggest failure. I’ve spent the last 10 years of my life trying to figure out this combination to life, you know like a combination lock that once I get each placement right, it’ll click, it’ll make sense, it’ll all feel good.
I’m had a change of heart in the last few months, just that life isn’t this combination lock of me getting everything lined up just perfect for it to “click”. For me it takes some of the pressure off, that I can’t always control or be good at all the things – that it’s not all up to me.
So as a big reminder to me and for you too, find your people, people who get you and can understand you. Breathe, a lot – 7 counts in and 7 counts out, try placing your hand over your heart and visually think about breaking into that space. It helps. Remember that life really is fleeting, so constantly be able to look at your list and prioritize and find the true gems and give them your attention. Yourself, your people, your passions they deserve for you to look at them more than a few spare moments each week. Drink a lot of water, drink more water than you drink wine – eat real food, eat throughout the day, eat with intention and attention. Listen to other people, open more space for them sometimes. Be kind to yourself and be kind to others even when they make you mad. Try to choose new and healthier feelings, try to question your old ways of thinking – try to create new habits. Know that life isn’t a combination lock that we have to unlock, it’s just life and we can’t control it all. Ask for help when you need it, asking for help and sharing thoughts and feelings has been the biggest way I’ve felt like I’ve shown myself self-care and self-love, it’s the most profound way I’ve been able to create change and personal growth. I know that it can feel sooo important to do great, BIG, and beautiful things in this world, but know that some things take time and we are all uniquely ourselves, our truth, joy and passions are different. So tune into you… not everyone else… and YOU DO YOU.